i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
