You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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