I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
