So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
