like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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