I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
