So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He kissed a someone with a penis
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize