like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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