I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I have post one night stand depression
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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