Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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