just come out here and I will go home with you...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
