I haven't been this sober since birth.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
