Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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