You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
