i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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