Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
