She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
