So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
