You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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