i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
