I think I won the penis lottery.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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