You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
