Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
