i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
