I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
