i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I don't deserve a penis
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
