I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
