his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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