Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
