They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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