my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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