Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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