We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
