So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
