is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
