Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize