Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
