Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
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I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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