Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
