First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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