Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
