I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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