Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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