dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
