I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
