Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize