her vagina looked like bernie madoff
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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