he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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