When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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