Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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