put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
