what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am naked and annoyed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
