he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize