New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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