I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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