the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
