My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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