is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
