And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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