So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
