i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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