I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
