I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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