Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
