my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
