I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Sponge bath it is.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
