I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My hand turned me down
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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