i already hear my dad disowning me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize