Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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