So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
