I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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