you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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