so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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