Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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