weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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