So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
