this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
