You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
