All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This is my gift to your gina
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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