shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He passed out mid-signature
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
