i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I deserve this hangover.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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