is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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